No More Sadness?
by Cariad1987
Summary: An alternate events one shot for the A Guilty Mind episode in Season 14. What if Harry had stayed? Sad, Happy anf Fluffy alll at once ... Hope you like it please review.


**OK so I just watched A Guilty Mind and apart from Nikki and Harry both making me want to cry and now thinking Tom and Emilia need various awards for their acting I got all inspired. So here is an angsty/fluffy one shot of a what if story for A Guilty Mind (Season 14). If its obviously recognisable it isn't mine and to be honest if it isn't it probably still is.**

"Hey shh" Harry soothed into Nikki's ear as he carried his sleeping best friend from where she lay still fully dressed on her couch to her bed. He had been petrified when he saw her like that but when he realised she was deeply asleep but her pulse and temperature were what they should be he calmed a little.

She had been beyond exhausted and the case with that little girl had really affected her. He also thought, though he would never say it, that there was a possibility she had been far more affected by the shootings and the end of her relationship with Anton than she would ever admit.

It had been a difficult year for all of them.

She roused slightly as he laid her on her bed pressing a kiss to her forehead she pulled him closer in her sleepy state and a second kiss landed just to the left of her lips slightly brushing against them. He pulled back with a slight jolt, if he didn't pull back immediately he might not at all and he couldn't take advantage of anyone let alone Nikki.

"Are you OK?" he asked her.

"I'm fine just sleepy" she said barely awake.

"I .. we were worried about you I'm glad you are OK … get some sleep Nikki..." He spoke softly removing her boots and tucking her into her blankets.

"Don't leave me on my own Harry... I don't … please.. stay with me" Nikki gulped for air clearly in a state of anxiety and panic.

"shh shh Nikki I wont leave you on your own … let me go call Leo OK go back to sleep I will be right back … go to sleep" he ran a hand over her hair as she settled once more and headed back into the main part of the flat.

"Is she OK? I've been trying to call her …. I'm Naomi .. Silverlake"

"Oh .. of course … sorry about your father .. Um she's fine … She's just exhausted ...she's sleeping now …. I'll get her to call you"

"Oh OK …. I mean if you have work I could stay with her … you probably have a lot to do"

"I'll… its fine I'm just calling our boss …. he was concerned as well that's why I came over … Its nice that you were concerned..." Harry said walking Naomi back to the door and closing it behind her.

He draped Nikki's coat and bag over the couch and pulled out his phone.

"Leo, its me … look I'm sorry I'm not going to make it to the reconstruction"

"Is she OK …."

"She says she is just tired but she wasn't conscious I carried her from her couch to her room without her waking up and she wasn't totally with it when she woke briefly …. I don''t want her on her own … sorry"

"No its fine Harry just take care of her … and may be bring up seeing Banks … see if she will?"

"I'll do my best … I'll keep you updated"

"talk to you later Harry"

"Bye Leo" Harry hung up and returning his phone to his pocket headed back to Nikki's room.

She was sleeping though he could tell with a glance that it was neither a particularly deep or settled sleep. He pulled a crime novel from her collection and settled on to the couch in her room. He was only a few pages in when she rolled over and woke suddenly sitting up.

"Hey … you asked me to stay Nikki … I've called Leo its all fine he told me to look after you..." he smiled across at her from where he was sat.

"I...I'm tired and I'm scared all the time and I don't know why" she gulped tears in her eyes and he had to go to her. He crossed and sat on the edge of her bed taking her in his arms.

"It's OK Nikki we've been through a lot this past year … all of us but we'll get through it together … You are so so strong … we can do this" he soothed.

Seeing her so sad was hard but he knew that in varying forms it had been lurking for years may be even since her father walked out the first time but at least since she lost her mother. Every time she lost someone or was betrayed by someone it deepened and bad cases just added to it.

He so desperately wanted to protect her and he knew he couldn't but he could care for her when it all got to much.

"I don't feel strong... I'm so tired but I … keep dreaming Harry... Bodle takes the girl and hurts her but then sometimes its not her … its me when I was eight ... No one would have stopped anyone Dad was useless even then … Mum was busy trying to keep things normal ...no one would have been there and no one would be there now." she spoke into his shoulder and he could feel her shaking slightly as the tears began to fall

"I would … I'd be there Nikki" He said softly pressing a kiss to her hair his own tears escaping his eyes.

"I am here I can't promise nothing will hurt you, no one can and completely keep that promise but I am here. I am staying. I will do my best for you … always. You are so so special Nicola Alexander"

"Why do... why do they always leave me or hurt me then Harry...all the once offs, all the ones I thought I could trust, the ones I let in who used me … I don't let people in easily you know that … why do I let them break me Harry"

"You are a sweet caring woman who loves and wants to be loved ...they misuse that, its not about you Nikki I know you cared about Anton... I know his betrayal hurt but loving him wasn't wrong or naïve or whatever else you are saying he did seem to care for you... and we all fall for people who aren't good for us … come on I fell for Rebecca … she was a murderer Nikki can't get much worse than that …." He sighed.

"True even I wasn't that bad" she sniffed.

"I'm here Nikki and you can move past this Leo's got a friend … Dr Bank's will you talk to her see if she can help..."

"OK … I just want to feel better"

"and that's going to help … you know something is wrong and want to fix it... now get some more sleep" he kissed her forehead once more and pulled back.

" I need to change …. sleeping in my clothes isn't good" she shook her head and fought with the blankets.

"I'm still sat on it Nikki give me a second .. I'll go in the lounge OK"Harry stood

"NO! Please can do it without you having to see me but don't make me be on my own" she panicked gripping his hand.

"OK OK Nikki sweetheart I'm not going … I'll stay ...you are going to be fine … and I suppose its only like being in the locker room I just thought you would want me too"

He subtly averted his gaze and with the help her blankets she changed into her camisole and pyjama trousers pulling her dressing own over the top.

"All done?" Harry questioned as she stilled and then glared at her duvet.

"Yeah but this stupid blanket is all tangled." Harry smiled at her rolling his eyes.

"Lay down and I'll get you all tucked in and you can get some sleep I'll order us food later and wake you then..."

"Thank you for looking after me Harry" she smiled as he organised her blankets around her allowing her to snuggle down.

"No problem at all sweetheart get some rest" Harry ran a hand over her hair and pressed a kiss to her cheek.

"Don't go" she said as he stepped back from the bed

"I'm not I will only leave this room to use the bathroom or call for food .. I won't desert you whilst you sleep I swear ...I'll sit here and read ..." he promised realising just how scared she was.

"Not what I meant … come here and cuddle with me make me feel safe" she asked her voice full of the vulnerability she rarely showed.

"Nik... I don't think I..." he began trying to think of a suitable reason that he shouldn't when she spoke again.

"Gosh um wait there that was stupid you've got DC thingy … Julia .. oh sorry look the sofa's fine I'm sorry" Nikki flushed and Harry realised the time for honesty had come.

"I do not have Julia … she is an colleague, an attractive colleague but that's it … the reason I was unsure is because we are friends and colleagues and it could complicate things …. but its fine we need to talk when you've slept though" he kicked f his shoes and headed t the other side of the bed to lie on top of the blankets and hold her in his arms.

"I'm awake enough to be coherent Harry I'm scared and tired not confused stupid or anything else … talk now … please... why would it complicate things."

"OK if this gets awkward I apologise, I am and always will be here for you in whatever capacity you want me to be or let me be ..."

"Just explain Harry I think we are both fairly good at awkward."

"The reason I didn't want to be in your bed isn't because of anyone else … I've been , am developing feelings for you beyond friendship... I'm not even sure when … we've always been close …. if Penny hadn't died maybe something would have happened then there have been so many times when a case has got to you or a one of the men in your life has hurt you and I've wanted to wipe the tears and kiss you till you smile …. I always thought it was just a crush but then when there was the shooting at the campus and I was stood under that bomb do you know what was on my mind … it was you Nikki I thought I was going to die and all I could think about was you ….. I don't know why I didn't say anything …. and then I was so jealous of Anton …. you were his ...you barely knew him and you were his … then he hurt you and I was so so angry … I want to protect you Nikki I... I'm in love with you" Harry spoke this looking straight into Nikki's eyes tears trickling down both there cheeks.

"We're both a little stupid really aren't we.. I've worked with yo how many years now and never said a word substituted a relationship with you with close friendship with you and meaningless sex with unsuitable men .. I told you before you are the one I go to when I'm sad or scared or confused Harry … you make my world make sense .. you ground me... you are like my gravity... why did neither of us say anything" she sighed pulling his hand to make him come closer.

"Because we were scared to ruin the one good thing going on in our lives" Harry sighed laying next to her once more and looking into her eyes.

"Kiss me Harry I know you can d that and I'd like to have something new to dream about the old one is a bit over used now..." she smiled her eyes though still tired sparkling with joy.

"Oh really … I better remind you then" he smiled leaning over her.

He gently brushed their lips before sweetly kissing Nikki, his best friend, the love of his life for whom he had been hiding his feelings for years. The kiss showed all that they were, all that they felt and had kept hidden over the years and gave a hint of all that was to come in their future as a couple.


End file.
